Why It’s So Hard for You to Relax
We've lost the art of relaxation.
You know what I'm talking about... maybe you've gone on vacation, started to unwind and thought, yessssss why don't I do this more?
Then you go back to regular life and you start tensing up in your shoulders, stop sleeping, stop pooping (or vice versa), start snapping at everyone... maybe you sit still for one minute and your mind is still racing over everything that needs to get done!
Why does this happen? Why can't we just relax during our normal day to day lives?
Well, it's because our minds are designed to help us survive. In other words, we have animal brains and they don't like for us to relax.
Imagine that you're living in the jungle. If your brain was not set for fight or flight and was set to be optimistic and relaxed, you would just drop down in the middle of the forest and take a nap. But your animal brain instead tells you - Whoa whoa whoa! If you take a nap here, you're going to get EATEN. Go find a cave!
Basically, our brains naturally tend toward negativity because it's safer and more likely to keep you alive. And if you have been living in a high stress situation for a long time without decompressing regularly, your animal brain might even start telling you that even one second of relaxation is dangerous!! Maybe you’ve even gone so long without truly relaxing that you start to fear what will come up if you do relax! That’s when people start turning to muscle relaxers, sleeping pills, alcohol, etc, to FORCE relaxation.
The problem is, we aren't living in a jungle anymore. We are actually meant to be elevated beings and we are happiest living in our higher emotions of love, balance, compassion, gratitude, hopefulness, etc.
This is what our hearts desire. We all feel it and know that relaxation is hugely important to our happiness. Even more, relaxation is crucial to heightened creativity, problem solving, clarity, and progression. If you research the different brain waves (one of my nerdiest and favorite things to do), you’ll see that when you relax, you can access delta and maybe even gamma rays, which allow for deepest, cellular healing and high performance. So interestingly enough, relaxation actually will make you more efficient and effective at life!
So what's the best way to relax? You might be thinking - well, I watch tv, take naps, drink booze, get those affordable foot massages....
All these are nice ways to relax, but the problem is they don't necessarily bring you to your deepest relaxation state, which really comes from within. Yup, the more you study the brain and the heart, the more you find that everything powerful comes from within.
The trick is to start retraining your subconscious brain to believe that relaxation is SAFE. One of the most effective ways to relax is to take a bath. Baths are amazing because they mimic the womb, where you kind of float around, but are wrapped up nice and cozily. They now have water float pod centers which I’ve heard work really well. Basically, anything that brings you back to a safe mindset will work. Some other ways to relax:
Restorative Yoga
Let yourself rest for 10-15 min after exercising vigorously. This works well for people who really have trouble unwinding. You can just sit on a bench or the ground and zone out/daydream.
Yoga nidra or any guided meditation
Listen to calming music (which can put you in a safe mindset - music is very powerful)
Belly Breath
Stretch (we hold lots of tension in our muscles!)
Journal (Journaling is a great way to release your jumbled up thoughts)
Try out some affirmations like: “I am safe” “I can rest now”
Spend time in nature
I once attempted to show a student some restorative yoga poses, which she vigorously rejected. She kept squirming and saying, “but I should be doing something!” The funny thing is, if you allow yourself to rest, there is actually A LOT that is happening in your body and mind that you don’t realize. Your muscles and mind all start to unwind and your subconscious start to come alive.
As another example, when I get extra exhausted these days, my sinuses will start to block up, which is my sign to chill out. I grab a yoga bolster and lie on it for 10-15 minutes, allowing myself to wander into the zone of gratitude. I challenge each one of the muscles in my body to let go.
I recommend spending at least 10 minutes a day of “active” relaxation, which can change your whole mindset. It’s not easy but the more you rest, the more relaxation will become natural and safe, the more you’ll be able to get out of that monkey mind and into your heart.
